"The eyes through which I look today
Banish shades of blue and shades of grey,
And it's only just begun.
It's only just begun.
The pavement that I walk upon
Clears away and it's clouds I'm on,
What could go wrong?
What could go wrong?
The world is at my fingertips and I'm finally reaching out.
I'm content in my decisions as I decide what life's about.
But then...it hits me,
That I don't have you here.
Yes, it hits me,
And then those grey shades reappear.
I step in the ring with my head held high
For each and every round,
But every time the gloves go down
It hits me.
I start this blog today with lyrics I recently wrote on my way to Cancun. Lauren had been in Germany for a few days and I had been in Miami for work and due to her travel and my travel and her lack of phone and Internet we weren't talking to much. When I got on the plane to Cancun (also for work), I was looking out the window and thinking about how excited I was to go to Cancun and then out of the blue "it hit me" that I was experiencing all of this without my best friend. It happens all the time since she has been away. I will be having a fantastic time and then something will remind me of her and it takes awhile for me to get back to where I was emotionally minutes before.
Recently it has been particularly tough. I rarely talk to Lauren and when I do it is usually only for a few minutes or just text messages. However, I have to say that I still love that girl so much and every passing second reminds me that she is the biggest part of my life and that without her life is pretty damn tough.
When I went out on my first tour and Lauren was still in New York we had our fair share of big fights. It seems we have figured it out this time around. Does it get easier? Hell no! Our levels of understanding and trust have grown and we know that we are gonna get through this together.
Lolly, if you are reading this...I love you!
Thanks for reading!
-Ryan
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Brace Yourselves, This is a Doozy
Christmas 2011 was one for the books, that's for sure.
This year Ryan and I decided to spend Christmas in New York. Tickets were really expensive, and since I didn't really have that much time off from rehearsal we decided it was the best decision. The holidays are a really special time of year for us and we were really excited to spend our first Christmas together, AND in New York! Christmas Eve was spent with our dearest of dear friends Jeffrey, Jeffikins, and Sharon. We made a delicious Christmas Eve dinner (if I do say so myself). I haven't been cooking in Toronto; mainly because cooking for one isn't as fun. Some of my favorite times are spent in that little kitchen with that sweet man.
After dinner, Ryan had me open two envelopes. I was really putting up a fight about it since it wasn't Christmas yet, but I sucked it up and opened the darn things. One envelope told me to type in an address in google maps. When I typed it in the Waldorf Astoria popped up...I was confused. There was no way were were staying at the Waldorf. The second envelope had two tickets to the St. Patricks midnight mass. I convinced myself that the address was supposed to be for St. Patricks. Then Ryan announced that I needed to pack cause we were spending the night at the Waldorf!
I was completely shocked. I thought "what a thoughtful Christmas present. He's really going to keep his promise and make this the best Christmas ever." Little did I know...
We got checked in, had a drink at the bar downstairs and toasted to his great grandmother who's birthday it was, and sadly, had passed away last year. After which we walked around 5th ave and took in the sights of New York. It honestly felt like we were on a first date. The mass was beautiful, slightly difficult to stay awake, but it just completed the night.
The rest is a blur, but I do remember Ryan shaking, and with tears in his eyes (I've seen him cry once) asked me to marry him...I said yes first...and then screamed...really, really loudly...in his face.
The ring was his great grandma's wedding band (the one we toasted, that sneaky devil) and he added a stone. I couldn't fit it on since my fingers swell a lot in the morning, so the next day we had it resized. When we went to pick it up one of the original stones had fallen out. I freaked. After biting our nails for half an hour, the guy found it and put it back. Phew!! Crisis averted, back to being happy and engaged!!!!
As many of you may or may not know, I was never really one to dream of weddings or proposals. I didn't even want to get married until I met Ryan. Over the past year or so weddings have been on my mind quite a bit. I've dreamt about the proposal, how the ring would look and how I would react. Not even my wildest dreams would have been able to express how perfect everything was. Well, I probably could have thought of a more graceful reaction on my behalf...
The weird thing about getting engaged is that nothing changes, but everything changes. I can look at him and instead of thinking "man I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy" I can say "man, I GET to spend the rest of my life with this guy". I can look at wedding websites and not feel guilty...in fact I HAVE to, and that's really scary. We have a lot of work cut out for us, but I think I speak for us both when I say we're really excited. Reallllly excited.
Ryan just left this afternoon to head back to NY. He came back to Toronto with me and we brought in the New Year. It's always hard when he leaves, but even as I type a little shiny reminder of him and how much time we're going to have together catches my eye and gives me something to look forward to.
This year Ryan and I decided to spend Christmas in New York. Tickets were really expensive, and since I didn't really have that much time off from rehearsal we decided it was the best decision. The holidays are a really special time of year for us and we were really excited to spend our first Christmas together, AND in New York! Christmas Eve was spent with our dearest of dear friends Jeffrey, Jeffikins, and Sharon. We made a delicious Christmas Eve dinner (if I do say so myself). I haven't been cooking in Toronto; mainly because cooking for one isn't as fun. Some of my favorite times are spent in that little kitchen with that sweet man.
After dinner, Ryan had me open two envelopes. I was really putting up a fight about it since it wasn't Christmas yet, but I sucked it up and opened the darn things. One envelope told me to type in an address in google maps. When I typed it in the Waldorf Astoria popped up...I was confused. There was no way were were staying at the Waldorf. The second envelope had two tickets to the St. Patricks midnight mass. I convinced myself that the address was supposed to be for St. Patricks. Then Ryan announced that I needed to pack cause we were spending the night at the Waldorf!
I was completely shocked. I thought "what a thoughtful Christmas present. He's really going to keep his promise and make this the best Christmas ever." Little did I know...
We got checked in, had a drink at the bar downstairs and toasted to his great grandmother who's birthday it was, and sadly, had passed away last year. After which we walked around 5th ave and took in the sights of New York. It honestly felt like we were on a first date. The mass was beautiful, slightly difficult to stay awake, but it just completed the night.
On Christmas morning we got up rather early and ordered coffee through room service. We started to open presents, but he wanted me to wait till after the coffee came...he's lucky I don't ask a lot of questions...after he opened his gifts he said that he had one more for me. I opened it and inside was a Christmas ornament that we've had since I was little. It's a really ornate silver box and one of my favorites. I looked inside and Ryan got really quiet.
The rest is a blur, but I do remember Ryan shaking, and with tears in his eyes (I've seen him cry once) asked me to marry him...I said yes first...and then screamed...really, really loudly...in his face.
The ring was his great grandma's wedding band (the one we toasted, that sneaky devil) and he added a stone. I couldn't fit it on since my fingers swell a lot in the morning, so the next day we had it resized. When we went to pick it up one of the original stones had fallen out. I freaked. After biting our nails for half an hour, the guy found it and put it back. Phew!! Crisis averted, back to being happy and engaged!!!!As many of you may or may not know, I was never really one to dream of weddings or proposals. I didn't even want to get married until I met Ryan. Over the past year or so weddings have been on my mind quite a bit. I've dreamt about the proposal, how the ring would look and how I would react. Not even my wildest dreams would have been able to express how perfect everything was. Well, I probably could have thought of a more graceful reaction on my behalf...
The weird thing about getting engaged is that nothing changes, but everything changes. I can look at him and instead of thinking "man I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy" I can say "man, I GET to spend the rest of my life with this guy". I can look at wedding websites and not feel guilty...in fact I HAVE to, and that's really scary. We have a lot of work cut out for us, but I think I speak for us both when I say we're really excited. Reallllly excited.
Ryan just left this afternoon to head back to NY. He came back to Toronto with me and we brought in the New Year. It's always hard when he leaves, but even as I type a little shiny reminder of him and how much time we're going to have together catches my eye and gives me something to look forward to.
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